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Here Come The Snotlings!

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I’ve been playing Blood Bowl recently, a game I loved as a kid but never had anyone to play it against. I still remember the computer fair I bought the first Blood Bowl (MSDos) game from. I’ve fallen in love with playing the Halfling team, who are pretty much the weakest team in the game.  But going 2-2-21 or whatever ridiculous win/loss ratio I have with my Halflings on the Cyanide Video Game burnt me out on them. Mostly because other teams game their team value to face lesser teams then they should.

The open league (called Auld) on the game has a tendency to go heavy towards teams that bash (most teams either just kill everyone to score a TD or dance around with high agility) the other team. I decided to do something that else that was fun, and I hadn’t seen too many other people doing: an all Snotling team.

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A Short Summary of the Yes! Chant

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Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

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Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Ten Things You Did Not Know About The Dark Knight

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10. The Dark Knight is the second time that Michael Cane has punched a shark in the face. He was also in the critically acclaimed Jaws: The Revenge. It  was with this role that he originated the Alfred Pennyworth character.

9. This might not be a surprise to some of you. But Maggie Gyllenhaal has acted as a plank of wood in twenty six different films, some of those performances even got her rave reviews!

8. Young Christian Bale played a character with many similarities to the Batman character. He was Long John Silver in the 90s production of  Treasure Island. Young Christian Bale also played Tattoo on Fantasy Island.

7. Batman the character relentlessly hates chairs. In The Dark Knight script, Batman is supposed to attack the chair instead of the Joker. This was changed for unknown reasons.

6. In the comics, Harvey Dent uses a 3 faced coin. One side is good, one side is evil, one side is Republican.

5. In the two way mirror you can actually see that an oompa loompa hung himself during filming.

4. One of the gangs depicted in the film is actually a household from the Society for Creative Anachorism who stumbled drunkenly onto the set. You can tell from one of their female members wearing a wench pin.

3. The Joker, Heath Ledger, died a few months after filming was complete. He was nominated posthumously for the Academy Award for Best Actor but lost to Robert Downey Jr’s performance in Topical Thunder.

2. Heath Ledger, The Joker, was gay.

1. The Dark Knight actually lost money, due to extensive expenditures on catering. Christian Bale demanded Emu Meat, and would flip the table over if the meat was not up to his specifications. He is also deathly allergic to emu meat and needed a constant supply of Epi-Pens.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope today you learned something new about one of the best movies out there, The Dark Knight Rises.

The Last Days of NY Islanders Fans United Central

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Don’t ask me how, but I have recently uncovered the journal of the guy who writes for New York Islanders Fans United Central, otherwise known as NYIFUC. NYIFUC recently disappeared from the internet in the last month. He was known for always bringing the hard hitting truth to Islanders fans. He would tell us what we needed to hear, how we needed to hear it. The internet and Islanders fan community will be missing him.

Despite very desperate overtures from a number in Manhattan belonging to John Rosasco, and a lot of possible money I am missing out on, this is the last written journal of NYIFUC unedited. Enjoy

September 17 2014

Today the Pizzeria delivered my pizza with mushrooms instead of onions. The pizza delivery boy had a Rangers hat. Dolan has obviously gotten to him and they are trying to poison me. Will not be ordering from them anymore, must find a non Dolan tainted Pizzeria again.

Dolan is out to get me. He can’t handle my criticism of me. While shopping at Target he sent an employee to bother me just because I spent 6 hours in the bathroom. I must use wifi not controlled by Dolan to post. Dolan watches my wifi. Dolan will not silence me.

September 19 2014

Dolan is everywhere. Today the Chinese place got my order wrong, I don’t know how Dolan discovered the Chinese place I never ordered from before. I offered the delivery driver something better then a tip, my 3 page brochure on how Dolan is ruining the Islanders and using Charles Wang as a puppet. For some reason he didn’t seem happy with this. I shall help free him from the shackles of Dolan!

Today’s attempt at posting on the website was thwarted by Dolan again. His agents have infiltrated the local McDonalds. While trying to post I saw some Ranger fans come in. When I tried to inform them of the many evils done by Dolan on the Islanders, the person behind the counter demanded I either buy something or stop hassling customers. Dam your efforts to undermine me Dolan!

September 22 2014

Dolan truly is everywhere. I do not dare try to enter the Dolan controlled Starbucks and Barnes & Nobles again. I fear that if I entered I will be abducted by his agents. I dared to spend 4 hours there writing my Islanders manifesto only to be asked to leave by management. I don’t care what they said, do not wear Rangers Pink Cancer Cares gear. I was trying to inform the three woman about how Dolan has tainted it to actually cause cancer, and they were upset with me for some reason.

I hear the noises all around me. Dolan is watching me. I have turned the TV around to face the wall. I have destroyed all means of his to enter my adobe. Yet he sits there, watching, plotting, planing a way to destroy me. I shall not go down quietly, Dolan!

September 24 2014

I have surrendered my former living space to Dolan. If he wants to watch he can watch all he wants. I am roughing it in the wild wilderness of Staten Island. Just in case I have covered my head with tin foil. His agents shall not be able to mind meld me and take me over. DOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!

His agents are everywhere, even as far away as St Louis. Readers, continue on with the struggle, because I do not know where tomorrow will take me. I am the torch in the darkness of Dolan to be carried until it is an all encompassing flame. That day will come when Dolan will have his downfall, and I will be remembered for continuing on the fight…

You shall find me in Aaargh

Quick Stuff More Straw in the Strawman!

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What’s the best way to prove your not a racist hack of a writer? By writing the most insanely racist opening paragraph possible. I just have no words for this. I can’t believe someone would read this paragraph and think “Maybe there’s another way to get your point across?”. That no one looked at this and thought it might be the tiniest bit racist tells you everything you need to know about the site.

One night in an apartment building, an African American man is walking to his domicile and hears one of his neighbors screaming at the top of his lungs. He catches one particular line that upsets him quite a bit. “We need to separate the colors from the whites! This is disgusting!” Suddenly, the African American neighbor bursts through the door and begins beating his neighbor up. It’s in the midst of this that he knocks over a laundry basket, and sees a bunch of Fruit of the Loom shirts that are tinged an odd color of pink. It then dawns on him. His neighbor was talking about the laundry.

I like how this imaginary “African American’s” first response to the situation is assault and battery. Not to walk into the laundry room and ask “What the fuck was that Cracker?” or any other version of the question. Plus this “African American” doesn’t even know if the neighbor who shouted that was White, Black, Hispanic, Asian or anything else. Nope just go charging into the laundry room and commit a crime. He’s probably going to spend the rest of his life in jail over laundry.

For that matter, it’s arguable if a black guy would even be offended at hearing “We need to separate the colors from the whites”. The biggest reason to not call someone a colored person (other then being a decent human being) is due to Jim Crow Era Signs and Language. Outside of the south, I wouldn’t think a person would automatically consider the sign as a racist line first. Laundry (especially since the yelling came from the communal laundry room? Unless the black guy just barges into someone’s apartment) is probably what people would think such a line would be from.

Hell, even the NAACP doesn’t think that the line is offensive, given this quote from their communications director in 2008:

the term ‘colored’ is not derogatory, [the NAACP] chose the word ‘colored’ because it was the most positive description commonly used [in 1909, when the association was founded]. It’s outdated and antiquated but not offensive

So the idea that anyone would get offended enough to commit assault & battery along with possibly breaking & entering or trespassing. Look, there’s people who use the N word around African Americans who wouldn’t be viciously beaten like this.

The article of course gets even better though:

If you say that your neighbor has killed a man, the first thought that pops up in a person’s head is that you’re living next to a murderer. Well, if the next statement is, “my neighbor was a Navy SEAL,” then the whole situation becomes something completely different.

Well, no. It is quite possible that your neighbor has committed murder and is a Navy Seal. There are quite a lot of people out there that believe ending a human life is never justified. It’s also possible that after he was a Navy Seal, he killed someone. Personally I’d be worried about a former Navy Seal snapping over something small in the neighborhood. Especially if he has PTSD.

In closing, if you think an African American is going to come flying into your apartment/living area because he heard you say something about “Coloreds” then you probably need a new perspective on life.