Montellaro: A Simplistic Guide to Fixing The Islanders

By , March 22, 2014 7:02 pm

The NHL season is winding down, and for the Islanders it has been a disaster.

You see, when the opposing team scores more goals (putting the puck into the net) than you do, you lose. When this happens on a nightly basis it’s a bad thing. I know, I’m shocked at what I’m learning everyday. But not all is lost, and since Islanders GM Garth Snow needs help, here’s my way to fix the team. This is free of charge Garth, but if you use any of my ideas I expect to be paid.

Chapter 1: Acquire a Goalie

So it seems in the game of hockey, a goalie is rather important. He protects the net and keeps opposing shots out. Unfortunately it seems that the Islanders went most of this season without playing one. This was a poor move by the organization which is seen as a laughing stock by non-fans. After hours of research I have found a few of these “goalies” for Snow to sign.

“The Guy I wanted us to get from the beginning”

You know when I kept saying over and over that Kevin Poulin was going to be the future. What I really meant was this guy, who suddenly everyone wants the team to go after and I’m not jumping on the bandwagon at all. Sure he hasn’t done anything that great, but if every other Islander fan wants him, when in Rome.

“The Guy who won a Stanley Cup

This might be news to you, but winning the Stanley Cup is a big deal. This guy won the Stanley Cup, but it seems like everyone’s forgotten about him. Despite the fact that whenever he’s hurt the team collapses. I wouldn’t mind this guy, but it might be a bit risky.

“The Overrated Guy”

This guy is doing good, but he’s not facing a lot of shots. If he comes here, he’ll face more shots and fall apart. Mostly because the Islanders don’t have an elite defense. Also forget I mention the Islanders not having an elite defense the second after you read it.

“Crazy Enigma Guy”

He’s Russian and he wants to be an astronaut. What more could you want out of an Islanders goalie?

Act 2: Sign a Winger

All Kirill Kabanov jokes aside, the Islanders need to replace both Matt Moulson and Tomas Vanek. I mean you can’t just have the Islanders running amok and letting youngsters take that spot. The Isles need to go out and drop a lot of money on someone who might have one or two good seasons. Keeping youth stalled on the 3rd and 4th lines while bringing in mediocre older guys for the long term is the best way to build depth.

Okay Garth, I’ll admit it. I can’t think of anyone good worth signing. But that doesn’t mean you should just skip this part of fixing the Isles. Free Jason Clark!

Part 3: Bring in a Veteran Defenseman

And by Veteran I mean someone at or over 35. Just because you spent 13 picks in the last 3 drafts on Defenseman is no reason to suddenly get cold feet when it comes to old timers. Where would the Islanders be today without the influence of a Brendan Witt or Andy Sutton a few years ago?

Old Guy #1

Remember when +/- was a relevant stat? Well this guy is great at it! What, Me Worry?

Old Guy #2

Remember when I was talking about +/-, ignore it for this guy cause he’s “Versatile”

Old Guy #3

This guy is an impending UFA who just had one of his better years in a while. Definitely not a sign of someone who needs to cash in one last time. Plus he’s really old! I mean leadership experienced.

Episode 4: A New Coach Hope

Some people will tell you the problem is the coach. Some people will tell you the problem isn’t the coach. Some people spell it potato, some people spell it potatoe. Opinions are amazing things which I am just learning about.

But my opinion is what really matters, and it’s time for Coach Capuano to go. He has made mind boggling lineup and in game decisions. I’m also just going to throw that out there without pointing out any particular examples.

Anyway it’s not “relevant” if Coach Capuano “deserves” to be fired or not. The Penguins fired Michel Therrien and won the Stanley Cup the same year. I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t just fire their coach 3/4 of the way through a season and win the Cup. Just because statistically most coaching changes come when a team is struggling and they are bound to eventually improve with or without a coach is no reason to not change coaches.

This is the quickest and easiest way to get the Islanders back on track. So I don’t know why I made it my final entry. Some things are beyond my control.

“The guy everyone thinks they will bring in”

Since this is who everyone else thinks will take over the reins, I’m jumping on the bandwagon. We’re going to ignore the continual struggles of the ONE UNIT he has to coach already, and just figure that he has the job. I mean it doesn’t matter who takes over, as long as it’s someone new. Right?

“The guy everyone loves that shouldn’t have been fired”

I’m a huge Ted Nolan fan, and since he’s due to be fired by the Sabres after their horrible season, he should be easy to bring back. Of course everyone dreams of the success of the past, and maybe it’s just hindsight making things look better then they were.

With just these few simple moves, Garth Snow could make the Islanders a playoff caliber team. Get to work Garth, you have your guideline.

(For those wondering what I am rambling about, check this article out)

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