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By Mark D, January 30, 2011 8:57 pm

This is a story I wrote a few years ago based on two different crown wars (our major event of the year, the winner is King/Queen) and the reign of someone I knew. No one would probably get most of it without knowing the people involved, but I’ve always gotten a lot of compliments on it so I figured I’d save it for prosperity.

The Rise and Fall of King Thomas The Tall
This tale begins In the kingdom of Markland
On her throne was a Viking Lord Who ruled with an iron fist
He sent his people to die in distant lands
With his many alliances
That of the Black and White And of the Southern Alliance
No one dared to stand up to him
For they all remembered The Day the Abbot Died
Yet one day A lowly peasant raised his voice
And so did Thomas Messanger Challenged for the throne
People laughed and mocked the lowly peasant
But unknown to them He had collected a group of rich nobles
Of highly skilled artisans And the greatest of chefs
The goods he offered could not be countered
Slowly the old alliances snapped
And a new army rose up against the Viking
The day of the battle was quick
Outnumbered the loyalists fought bravely
They died quickly once the castle was pried open
With the flesh and blood of the Rebel Army
And so King Thomas the Tall was crowned
A great feast was held The celebrations went on and on
Throughout the whole kingdom
And yet the seeds were being sowed For a new rebellion
The many rats who jumped the sinking viking ship Suddenly made themselves known to the people
Men in black and white and blue and white
Spread rumors among the peasents
They told them that King Thomas was to blame
For the sudden droughts rocking the land
For the disappearances of peasant women
For anything despicable
During this time King Thomas carried on
The celebration never seemed to stop
What was going on outside never reached him
For there were many rats around him
Keeping him uninformed
They wished only for their “True” king back One day
King Thomas awoke to find his halls empty
His treasury had been emptied during the night
As he looked over the walls he saw A grand army of Rebels
Who only a fortnight before Had been enjoying the celebration
They had found a rallying force
The former crowned prince had survived
And Sir Kenneth of Brunswick was ready
Behind his walls only a few men stood ready
The most loyal of his personal guard
And a group of men in Black and Gold
Renowned for being the toughest
Most expensive mercenaries
They knew his coffers were empty
So they offered him a deal
Let us defeat this peasant scum
Growled their leader
And we shall put them all to the torch
Then you will have your throne
We will have whatever we want
King Thomas With no gold to pay them Happily took up their offer
So they charged out to break out of the siege
After two short intense battles
The loyalists were beaten back
Not without taking out large amounts of the rebels
The rebels charged and charged the castle
The loyalists fought like cornered animals
Bodies upon bodies of the rebels
Nearly blocked the entrance to the castle off
The arrows falling upon the armor Of the loyalists sounded like rain
After the last great thrust of the rebels Was fought off and countered
The rebels retreated up a hill To recover from their losses
King Thomas and his general decided To press on with everything they had left
They marched up the hill
Taking an unending rain of fire From the rebel archers
Yet the rebels Shaken from the previous battle
Retreated down the backside of the hill
King Thomas had the top of the hill fortified
Exhausted and outnumbered his men waited
For the final fight to sweep them to victory
Or to leave them lifeless on the field
Soon the rebels began their march
The rebels were ten men deep by five wide
The loyalists could barely cover the hilltop passage
As the rebels marched uphill
A yell pierced the din of the arrows
CHARGE!!!
Upon that call the loyalists charged downhill
A look of fear overtook the rebels
After two or three giant leaps
The loyalists met the rebels head on
The great crash of weapons
And a tidal wave of human flesh
In a great instant Three lines of human beings
Disappeared to the dustbin of history
Yet it was not enough
Outnumbered the last of the Kings men
Fought heroically against all odds
They fought after losing arms and legs
Swarms of rebels overran the last of the loyalists
Until all that was left
Was King Thomas the Tall
Fighting off seven men with
All the ferocity within his massive frame
From behind him came the final blow
A knife into his back
Left him thrashing all the way to the ground
Taking two or three men with him
As for your author
Who had fought on the loyalist side
I managed to survive cowering beneath a german shield
Whose only inscription
Was the word Betsy
And so King Kenneth was crowned
He gave an honorable funreal that night
To all who fought alongside Thomas The Tall

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By Mark D, January 19, 2011 7:02 pm

From the Archives, my recap from Markland’s 05 Crown War Event.

Got there Friday, BS’ed for most of the night. Saturday we
fought. I fought for Nate against Todd. After looking at the pictures I
estimate the sides were about 52-20 against Nate. The first battle I
managed to catch my hand between my axe and thorn bushes, which sucked. I
also had to stop and tell a Hydra that Markland had a death from behind
rule. While doing that I got DFB’ed by someone else so I just told the
guy the Hydra killed after I killed the Hydra that he was still alive.
The second battle I held off quite a few people, until I realized I had
about 6 or 7 spears pointing at me. Then we went inside the castle. I had
always said that the OLB could hold the castle against all odds, and I
was right. The first battle I knocked a Galacian off the wall and down to
the floor. That was one of the biggest things I wanted to do with the new
castle. I survived the whole first castle battle. The second one Brahm
left his spear behind the wall so I put it to good use. I knocked down a
couple of people, then during one of the many lulls in the battle I
suddenly heard a *thung*. Working with all the great archers that HVD
has, I’ve gotten very good working against archers considering I have no
plate. But the archer got me and I couldn’t even tell the angle it came
in on me at, it was a beautiful shot. Thankfully we held the castle
anyway. Next up was the Mountain Pass battle. We had to go uphill, and at
the top they set up a perfect roman turtle shield wall forward. Not only
that, but they had used my idea of mass archer firing. Nothing sucks more
then seeing about 20 arrows in the air about to come down on you at the
same time. I got legged and armed by archers and picked up a spear just
within range of their shields. During a hold to clear the dead I was the
only one left on my side along with two OLB’ers. The other guys told me
to get off the field for safety’s sake and after arguing a bit I did. We
then defended the top of the hill, and charged the other side, I ran into
Gerade and just kept pushing till about 7 people hit me at the same time.
Nothing sucks more then being on the bottom of a pile and watching 5 or 6
rows of people from the other side walk by.

I fought the pick-ups after the battle, but didn’t do much. I suck in
tight area battlefields, and the space behind page’s castle is tight. I
did get to see Kelly’s beautiful spear work, and I did get a few newbie
archers to start shooting the right targets and they did pretty good.

After everything I went to the coronation. Todd had vodka, and I drank
about three quarters of it. The last thing I remembered was Peasant Dave
telling me “Toolbox’s persona name was Boxie Del’Boxio” and the rest is
blank. All I have to say is “Steak Mother Fuckers” and Pucking with a New
York accent.