In Breaking news, America’s Army, the army’s top tool for training and tricking the youth of America into joining the Army has been updated. All of the following are new features for America’s Army
- Die on your first step of the game as you step on an IED
- Die before the game starts as your poorly armored Humvee gets blown sky high
- Lose everything from the knee down on both your legs and get to spend the next 50 years as a second class citizen.
- Lose three limbs for your country, and then have people who never came close to combat claim you are un-patriotic for your personal views.
- Survive your first step, get shot while taking your second step from a hidden sniper. The joys of urban combat!
- You die. Then on the game over screen you are informed that in 10-15 years some politician randomly picks your name and proclaims that he fought bravely side by side with you. He wants to continue your war and make sure people never forget about you, despite the fact that he sat comfortably at home the whole time.
- Spend time pretending to listen to Lady GaGa while downloading massive amounts of classified documents.
- Die while in the shower because Haliburton sub contracted out the rights to build your showers to the lowest bidder.
- Come within a mile of capturing Osama Bin-Laden, only to have the mission called off from the highest of sources. It’s your guess whose that high to have it called off.
- Accidentally shoot an NFL hero who left the game to fight the war on terror. Join with the bigwigs in an attempt to cover it up and hide the facts
- Spend hours staring at the destroyed British and Russian bases in Afghanistan and try to figure out why anyone would try conquering this shithole of a desert again.
- Announce your gay and find yourself shitkicked back to America.
- Remember how you were joining to make a better future for yourself and possibly use the GI Bill to put yourself through college. Not so much now that your a paraplegic. Enjoy your new future
Wow, I must appluad the army for the path they’ve taken with this game. It seems much more realistic now.