The Funniest Entry on Wikipedia
Comments (0) What happens when someone with a huge ego, but no notability proceeds to write their own Wikipedia article? Let’s just throw into the blender that this person is also a pro-wrestler and a huge mark for themselves. Well then, you would have the Brimstone (wrestler) article on Wikipedia. Boy is it a dozy. A friend of mine fired the link my way after having a good laugh about it himself.
Now I don’t follow indy wrestling that extensively, but considering this is someone who competed in my backyard when I was younger, I’ve never even heard of him before. In fairness most people have probably never heard of him though, considering he has never wrestled for any of the major wrestling feds or even the major indy feds (ROH, Chikara, PWG… to name a few).
There are so many highlights to this article, I don’t even know where to start. If your wondering why there’s so many gems, it’s because this reads more like someone writing their life story on Livejournal, not an encyclopedia entry. For example this following bit:
Thoughts about creating a fully functional pro-wrestling facility had still been running through Brimstone’s mind. While looking through the Pennysaver, he noticed a classified ad for a newly sprouting Martial Arts School over in Hicksville, New York. They were looking for trainers for various forms of martial arts. Brimstone told him that yes; they would eventually need a ring, however, anyone who came through those doors would learn their level bumps like men on the hard mats. He stated that the students could perfect their chain wrestling, takedowns, monkey flips, and rolls prior to entering a professional ring. He convinced Sloan that he was determined to make a success out of the school, and they eventually grew large enough to leave the martial arts academy
For comparison, Mike Quackenbush runs a wrestling school and it gets a single line mention in his entry. And Quackenbush has actually trained guys who have made it somewhere in wrestling. But Brimstone’s article is full of stuff like this, especially since it comes in at 3x longer then Triple H’s wikipedia entry. Let’s move on to the next bit of stuff to ridicule.
Brimstone figured that they needed a fourth person to assist in the training process, and they were coming to a point where they needed to make decisions. Brimstone suggested another local wrestler John Curse who had been involved with ECW’s “House of Hardcore” and was also a member of Team Taz. Mayhem was adamantly against Curse coming in. Hostile was indifferent, but he was in the middle of making some life changing decisions himself. Mayhem thought that the three of them could handle it themselves, but then Hostile dropped the bad news that he was moving away to California with his then-wife. She was in the Navy and stationed there, and he needed to be with her. Needless to say, Brimstone and Mayhem were crushed. Seeing that their three was down to two, Mayhem agreed to bring John into CMPW.
That is why Wikipedia will never be taken seriously. It reads more like some kid writing in his livejournal then a serious biography. I mean this almost reads like a 16 year old girls love triangle. Like OMG I like Chris, but Chris likes Shelly, but Shelly is leaving to California! That is so not fair!
As CMPW grew, they decided it was time to get a bigger location. They found a building located in the Delco Plaza Shopping Center in Hicksville. The school also bought a second ring, which was an ECW ring (trap door and all) used in a pay-per-view.
One could argue that that ring is more notable then Brimstone. More people have seen that ring then have ever seen Brimstone wrestle. Even with the horrible buy rates for the WWECW revival. Once again, there’s nothing in this paragraph (and this is it’s own paragraph) that is of any value. This very easily could be removed and nothing of value would be lost. Well except for another chunk of Brimstone’s ego, but he has plenty to spare.
“Called Out” on July 21, 2007 was a monumental event in PWR history due to the unveiling of the Carnival of Destruction (C.o.D.). It was initially announced during a segment of the Demolition Derby with Blast that he, along with Brimstone, Lou Valentino, Armand DeMuerto, and manager Rayna Fyre would be uniting to form C.o.D. with intentions of destroying everything and everyone that is PWR.
“Monumental” might be misused here. PWR itself isn’t even notable enough for a wikipedia entry. No one else in this paragraph has a wikipedia entry except for Brimstone. If Brimstone isn’t the one writing this entry, he has the most batshit insane stalker ever.
So after rounding up his “wrestling career” which arguably should take just a few sentences, it goes into his “gimmick” which has one of the greatest pictures ever. You see, using words to describe Brimstone’s Custom Boots just wouldn’t cut it. Oh No, he needed to have a picture included on the page, cause those custom boots are so Bitchin!
Ironically I originally thought the article ended after describing his gimmick, as they round up all his finishers, title reigns and what not that come at the bottom of every wrestlers page. It also includes his accomplishments, and one of the things missing from that is a listing in the PWI 500. So he has never even been considered one of the best 500 wrestlers during his career. But I paged down to look at the references and realized there are even more sections to this self blowjob article.
I should mention real quick that among his “accomplishments” are 15 listings like the following:
Brimstone was the special celebrity guest for the June 7, 2008 AFL game between the New York Dragons and New Orleans VooDoo at the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. He participated in the official coin toss prior to the game.
Next up are his 3 television appearances. One for MTV’s “Wanna be a wrestler” which was a co-promotion with the WWF back in 99. The other two are for Ricki Lake and a local TV news broadcast. Somehow these are notable only because Brimstone himself has kept track of them at his website. I know that because that’s where the references for these TV appearances take you to.
Brimstone has his own comic book counterpart, which of course looks nothing like him. Thankfully Brimstone takes the time to mention every single person whose every touched his comic book while it’s in production. There’s also supposed to be an XBox live arcade game coming out AND an animated series! Due out in 2011 of course. Somehow Brimstone and the Bouderhounds actually has it’s own wikipedia entry. No, I don’t know how this comic book is notable enough, and I’m not reading that article today.
His “acting” section only gets worse, starting off with this gem:
In a live interview on RockMeTV, Brimstone discussed plans for his future in the entertainment industry claiming to be moving full steam ahead into what he calls “mainstream,” television, film, and print. He also announced his soon to be released autobiography.
I too have a future in the entertainment industry, and am going full steam ahead into mainstream acting! I also plan to release an autobiography. Because don’t you really want to know what I was thinking as I wrote this entry?
This is only topped by his Philanthropy section. I kid you not.
Brimstone has noted on many occasions that he enjoys being able to “give back to the community” by donating his time to various charities. He has been linked to many foundations and has attended events as a celebrity guest to help raise money for each cause.
Hey guys, I like to give back to the community too, and donate my time to various charities, whether they want it or not. For the most part I don’t think their asking me to do stuff, but I do it anyway, just like this:
Brimstone has signed on as a celebrity spokesperson for RADD.org and has begun taping public service announcements to be used in the attempt to thwart driving under the influence.
I’m sure we’re just hours away from seeing those public service announcements from Brimstone on TV. I feel bad for the person at Radd that has to send out a cease and desist letter to Brimstone telling him that volunteering on their website does not mean start spamming them with VHS’es of yourself.
Finally, let’s take a look at the gem in his Personal Life section:
Brimstone was the subject of a roast for his thirty fifth birthday.The event’s hosts were his longtime friend Jose Castillo and Sarah Hartshorne, with a celebrity panel that included AJ Pero, Leilene Ondrade, and Claire Unabia.
Quite the celebrity panel. I had never heard of AJ Peron, Leilene Ondrade or Claire Unabia. Well it ends up that AJ Pero was/is the drummer for Twisted Sister. I didn’t care enough to check once I got to that point. Claire Unabia doesn’t even get her own entry, she was just a random model from America’s Top Model. Who is Leilene Ondrade? Just one of the co-stars of Killer Ho Haa, a movie that Brimstone was in.
I don’t think Brimstone has any fans. I’m willing to bet that Brimstone wrote the whole article himself, especially with a good amount of the references linking back to his own website. Along with the fact that it’s a wrestler no one has ever heard of who magically has a huge Wikipedia entry detailing every time he met some z-list celebrity or their cousin. This is why Wikipedia is a joke, because if you work the system you can get a bullshit, ego stroking entry up like this.
